Category Archives: Little Help From My Friends

Who Do I Want To Meet?

Mrs. CPA wants to know what bloggers I want to meet.  There are so many of you I would love to get together with I hardly know where to begin.  So in no particular order:

  • CPA Mom– if all goes according to plan I will be meeting her in July…I can’t wait!
  • Rachel of Crazy Is
  • Stacey at Crazy Mama- mmmm cake
  • Stacey of the Squirrel clan
  • That Chick– my super secret girlfriend!
  • Kim of Miss Zoot
  • Kristin of Motherhood Uncensored- too damn funny
  • Kellie my Rambling Target pal
  • Cagey– she has to bring her kids, I need to see their cuteness in person
  • SJ of All the Jones Men
  • Molly– I will help her find that damn sock!  (They may have enclosed it in the wall with the cat.)
  • Amy of A Family Story
  • Emma in Canada- she and Amy can give me scrapbooking tips
  • Julieof Abbily Ever After
  • Susan in Virginia- her kids really do say the darndest things
  • Tanis that Redneck Mommy- she kept her cool when she could have seriously kicked some ass!
  • Honi– one of the most upbeat people I know
  • Happy Working Mom– I’m pretty sure she gave Scoop her nickname
  • Joy at A Spot Of T- She guessed Scoop’s birthday correctly (I really didn’t forget- send me your address and I’ll send you the prize behind door number one)
  • Crystal at Boobs, Injuries and Dr. Pepper- my love for her has only increased these past couple of weeks.
  • Dawn at Baleful Regards- quite possibly one of the smartest women I’ve read
  • Frema– I’m so glad she’s letting the baby use the computer!
  • Karmyn– Dreaming of number three!
  • Radsad– I want to be her when I grow up!

 

There are probably 40 people I have missed but that wee babe of mine is acallin’!  If I missed you feel free to complain in the comments- my brain is still not functioning properly!

 

 

 

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Filed under blog, Little Help From My Friends, Random

I Must Be Crazy

Look two posts in one week!

I’m trying to gear up for NaBloPoMo.  You know, where you have to post everyday for the entire month of November.  Good luck, right? 

There is just something about this challenge that I can’t let go. 

The NaBlo site this year is pretty cool.  I got to set up a page and join groups.  I can even have friends!  Be my friend, please.  Seriously, be my friend.  You can search for me as Bethany or Ice Cream Mama.

The biggest thing I learned from last year’s NaBloPoMo is you must have a plan.  Well, I must anyway.  So I need to come up with the big NaBlo game plan.  Mondays are covered with Fun Monday.  Now I only need to come up with a plan for the other 6/7ths of the month. 

I was thinking one day a week for book reviews (since I’ve been keeping up with my Good Reads account like I’ve been keeping up with this blog.)

One day a week for Christmas cookie recipes.  No it won’t be too early.

One day for gestation news. 

And then, who knows?

Any ideas?

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Filed under Little Help From My Friends, Mama, You have got to be joking

Looking For Votes

Yeah, I’m actually asking for you to go here and vote for me.  Swampy is having a contest and I know my entry was pretty crappy but I just don’t want to come in last.  I don’t think my psyche can handle the blow.  Too many fricken hormones.  I think the deadline for votes is 6:00 tonight.

So vote for me, please.  I might cry if you don’t.

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Filed under Little Help From My Friends

Fit Friday With A Guest

Just a quick update and then onto today’s guest host.

Today’s weight:  255.00

Net loss:  6.5 pounds

That’s not so bad considering I weighed myself on Tuesday and was 250.  I am now medicated and am able to keep food down.  Thank God!!  The sedative side effect and dry mouth are interesting.  I will take that over the nausea any day!  I’ll be back to my regular pissing and moaning next week.  Special thanks to everyone who helped me out this week.  To everyone who said they could guest another time, how about February when I pop this baby out?

Today I leave you with my pal Kellie. 

Our favorite Mama is a little busy right now.  Between work, kids, a husband and a house, she’s sorta running in 32 different directions.  But, on top of all that, she’s busy deep freezing the newest addition to their family.  A pint sized version all of us lovingly refer to as “Scoop”.   Scoop is draining every last bit of Mama’s energy like a….well, like a leaky cone on a hot summer day.  Mama’s asked several of us to be guest posters.  I volunteered.  Mainly because I think Mama ROCKS and I’m all about helping my friends.  I’m hoping I can be entertaining and funny like she is, but really?  I’m not getting my hopes up.  I advise you to not get your’s up, either.

I’m not really sure what to post about.  I have a tough enough time drumming up posts for my own blog.  Tonight?  I’m feelin’ the pressure.  Please know that my craptastic writing is all my own doing and NOT a reflection of the usual charming, witty, clutch your stomach writing that belongs on this here blog.  So….now that I’ve wasted a crapload of time….let’s move on, shall we?

Um…huh….I love shoes?  No.  Not good enough.  I *fluffy pink heart with glitter* Target?  Nope.  Still sucky.  Damn.  Oooohh, I know:   Now that several hours have passed and I know the situation is being resolved, I can talk about it without hyperventilating and I can now laugh about it: 

I received an e-mail from the company I use for credit monitoring.  I pay them $12 per month and they let me know when someone has pulled my credit report and when changes have been posted to my account.   It’s sort of a waste of money, but I had some freaky crap on my credit report about 7 years ago and since then?  I take no chances.  I did enough damage to my credit all on my own and worked like a madwoman to repair it for FIVE years.  I certainly don’t need some twit in South Dakota screwing up all my hard work.  ANYWAY…I get an e-mail that changes have been posted to my report.  I wanna know WHAT.  Haven’t bought anything credit report worthy in the last 6 months;  haven’t paid anything off (DAMMIT!!) and haven’t been late on anything that was late enough to be noted on my credit report.  So, I click the link in the e-mail, put in my user name/password and tra-la…..my credit report.  It shows at the top a summary of stuff.  It shows one new loan was added on July 16th.  An original loan date of May 22nd  Huh?  I didn’t buy anything that TransUnion, Experian or what’stheirnames care about.  So, I click for more info and see:

        05/22/2007     Bank of Commerce  San Diego, CA

        Account #  XXXX-XXXX-XXXX-6970

        Original Amount:  $47,579

        Status:   Paying as Agreed

WHAT?!!  I’m mad.  I’m upset.  I’m mad and near tears.  I call the person at the credit monitoring company I’ve been “assigned”.  She tells me to chill, basically, that she’ll look into it.  She asks me some questions, I answer.  I laugh when I tell her that a) I’ve never BEEN to California and b)  Forty-seven THOUSAND dollars??!  We’re thinking it’s  a car loan.  Or a kick ass vacation.  Or some renovation work to a house.  I have to e-mail her a statement saying this is NOT mine and blah blah blah and that I want it removed like YESTERDAY from my credit report.  We hang up and I wait.  I get an e-mail from her a few hours later that confirms what I, basically, already knew.  It wasn’t me.  It WAS a car loan (for a 2007 Cadillac SRX).  The lending bank and my credit monitoring chick confirmed it was NOT my Social Security Number.  Someone at the bank or wherever transposed three numbers when entering the information.  I have to send a letter to the bank requesting them to fix the mistake and to the credit bureaus to have this removed from my credit report.

For a short, short time….I was (according to TransUnion, Experian and what’stheirnames) the owner of a 2007 Caddy SRX.  I’ve always wanted a Caddy.  An STS or an Escalade. 

I wonder what color my short-lived SRX was?  I hope it had a moonroof.  And white gloved hands that popped out of the headrest and seat to massage my neck and butt while driving.  For that kind of money?  It better come with a butler that lives in the trunk.  I shall name him Jeeves.

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Filed under Fit Friday, Little Help From My Friends

CPA Mom To The Rescue

Tonight’s guest poster is CPA Mom.  She was one of the very first people to read my site.  Then she told people about me!

When Ice Cream Mama sent out her S.O.S. for guest bloggers, my first thought was “man, I wish I had the time, as I can totally understand the nausea thing – I was sick as a DOG with both pregnancies.” My second thought was, “give her something from your archives, igit!” So here is my third post ever from back in June 2006. It had exactly one comment on it. Enjoy! ( p.s the first person who can tell me what has changed from this description in the year since, I will send you a prize. email me at cpamomva dot gmail dot com HINT: not anyone’s ages, that’s too obvious)

Found this “Onion” on the most hysterical blog I have ever read called The Paper Napkin. I highly recommend her blog for reading.

LAYER ONE:
– Name: CPAMom
– Birth date: March, 1971 (bummer, I’m 35 already? How did that happen?)
– Birthplace: Missouri
– Current Location: Virginia by the beach (come on down ya’ll!)
– Eye Color: Blue
– Hair Color: Auburn with blond highlights (for now – I change it constantly but just different shades of red, I’m not crazy!)
– Height: 5’10” (weight: WAY TOO HIGH)
– Righty or Lefty: Righty
– Zodiac Sign: Pisces
–Religion: Catholic

LAYER TWO:– Your heritage: mixed – German on father’s side; mix on Mother’s side
– The shoes you wore today: black sandals (love summer time – no hose!!)
– Your weakness: ice cream, warm cookies (STOP THE INSANITY!); mystery novels; other blogs–really how many blogs can one person read, I’ve got to get a hold of myself!
– Your fears: heights, plane crashes, harm befalling my children or husband (probably because I had a husband who died)
– Your perfect pizza: Deep dish with everything. I love Pizza Hut but I’m married to an Italian and he hates it as it is not “real” pizza. Uno’s has a good pizza too.
– Goal you’d like to achieve: world peace; baring that, I’d like to finally get my scrapbooks done. My son is 3 ½ and I haven’t done one page yet on his book (and let’s not mention my 20 month old’s book). Oy vey!

LAYER THREE:
– Your most overused phrase on AIM: Don’t use AIM
– Your first waking thoughts: this must be a nightmare as there is no way it is morning already. — Your best physical feature: I have long fingers, the only thing that is not fat on me HA!
– Your most missed memory: being blissfully in love with my husband and blissfully unaware of the trouble ahead with his parents. Also the first few moments after the birth of each of my children, before sleep deprivation set in.

LAYER FOUR:
– Pepsi or Coke: either is fine, but I prefer Dr. Pepper
– McDonald’s or Burger King: both suck. I hate fast food. Except for Hardee’s apple pies! Yum. Anyone else remember the fried cherry pies McDonald’s used to make when we were kids?
– Single or group dates: At this point I’d take anything that does not include the pleasure of my children’s company so I can have dinner without someone on my lap!
– Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: either. I’m a southerner. I love iced tea of any kind.
– Chocolate or vanilla: neither. Give me “coffee lover’s only” from Cold Stone Creamery, baby!
– Cappuccino or coffee: any and all. Starbucks owns my soul and my wallet.

LAYER FIVE:
– Cuss: I don’t like to, but will when no other word will do (like those DUMB drivers on the road around here). I try and substitute now that my kids are repeating – “Oh Focaccia” is a good substitute.
– Smoke: No way, never even tried. Yuck!
– Sing: Yes, for now, my children love to sing with me.
– Take a shower everyday: Yes.
– Do you think you’ve been in love: yes
– Want to go to college: Yes, already went: four years, two degrees, one marriage, one divorce.

— Liked high school: Abhorred it.
– Want to get married: On my third already!
– Believe in yourself: not very often
– Get motion sickness: on planes, boats. Please G_d, kill me now if I forget my Dramamine.
– Think you’re attractive: only to the truly desperate
– Think you’re a health freak: I wish. Then maybe I’d be thin
– Get along with your parent(s): with my Mama yes. No contact whatsoever with my Dad)
– Like thunderstorms: no way, no how
– Play an instrument: played the organ for 5 years as a child.

LAYER SIX: In the past month…
– Drank alcohol: Yes – wine is the elixir of the gods
– Smoked: no way, no how
– Done a drug: only prescribed or OTC (what kind of person do you think I am?)
– Made Out: what is that? Must be a pre-child activity.
– Gone on a date: to a church fundraiser (a great musical but a very poor dinner) Friday night. Also to a great dinner and comedy (Lewis Black) last week – both with my husband.
– Gone to the mall?: not in a while
– Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: don’t tempt me.
– Eaten sushi: G_d no! Who wants to eat raw fish.
– Been on stage: no
– Been dumped: no
– Gone skating: no
– Made homemade cookies: does premade dough bought from a school fundraiser count?
– Dyed your hair: finally a yes. L’Oreal and I have a deep and abiding relationship.
– Stolen Anything: define “stolen”

LAYER SEVEN: Ever…
– Played a game that required removal of clothing: ‘fraid not
–If so, was it mixed company: n/a
– Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes
– Been caught “doing something”: caught during H.S. at home with my boyfriend by my dad. You figure out what we were doing.
– Been called a tease: no
– Gotten beaten up: No.
– Shoplifted: a pack of gum when I was 4 I think
– Changed who you were to fit in: no, sarcasm fits in everywhere.

LAYER EIGHT:
– Age you hope to be married: 21 first time, 24 Second time (widow at 28); 30 last time.
– Numbers and Names of Children: Tigger-3 1/2, Eeyore – 20 mo
– Describe your Dream Wedding: my third wedding. Only thing dreamier would be if someone else had paid for it!
– How do you want to die: without pain
– Where you want to go to college: already went. Southern Illinois University.
– What do you want to be when you grow up: rich. Come on Lotto!
– What country would you most like to visit: Anyplace safe and clean where they speak English. I’ve been to France, Italy and Australia. I’d like to go to the Caribbean, to Alaska, Ireland, England and back to Australia.

LAYER NINE:– Number of drugs taken illegally: none. I’m a goody-two shoes. But I was married to a drug addict/dealer in college – does that count?
– Number of people I could trust with my life: my husband, several friends
– Number of CDs that I own: too many to count. It is an obsession really. My downfall. Such a sad story…
– Number of piercings: just my ears.
– Number of tattoos: zero and counting. I’m a wuss. My husband has two, does that count?
– Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: a few times as a child for contests, “A” team in school; a few times as an adult when I get the urge to give my opinion to the entire community through the Letters to the Editor section (how is it people just don’t accept my opinion as the gospel truth, I’ll never know).
– Number of scars on my body: not sure. Several little ones as my skin scars very easily from mere scratches. My poor Tigger has the same problem. Large scars from my breast reduction surgery. Stretch marks and varicose veins galore.
– Number of things in my past that I regret: do I really need to relieve this?
–Current “cause” – food allergy awareness
–Motto: Sarcasm, not just a manner of speaking, but a way of life.

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That Super Cool Chick Over There

Tonight’s guest blog buddy is Chick from Jason For The Love Of God.  If you aren’t reading her, you must go to her blog NOW.  Read everything.  She is fantastic.

I Don’t Care If He Wants Me

To the editors of Glamour, Shape, and any other magazine that is in the ladies restroom at work:

 

Really?

 

Your publication claims, in bold letters across the front, that I can:

 

“Seduce him tonight!”

“Be Bikini Perfect in only 30 days!”

“Get the Life I want!”

“Get the Body I’ve always wanted!”

“Dress stylishly from size 0-24!”

“Make him want me!”

 

 

Let’s break this down, shall we?

 

Seduce him tonight”

 

  1. Who is “him”? Because my him? He just worked a 12 hour shift. With idiots. He wants food, cigarettes, and his own bathroom. He certainly doesn’t want me parading around in my less than bikini perfect body trying to “seduce” him.

  2. If this guy is worth seducing, then he’ll understand.

  3. It’s Tuesday. I have to be up in the morning.

  4. Who the hell is going to watch the kids while this “seduction” is taking place? DCS?

 

 

Be Bikini Perfect in only 30 days!”

 

Dude. Have you seen me? I won’t be bikini perfect ever. Not ever. I’m not going to subject mankind to me in a bikini.

 

Also? You might want to think about making claims like that. Remember that case in which that guy sued the dry cleaners because he was not satisfied and they had a sign up that said Satisfaction Guaranteed? I think a lot of chicks could sue you when they go onto the beach and people start screaming and throwing raw fish at them.

 

I’m just saying.

 

 

Get the Life I want!”

 

The life I want involves not having to work. Or clean my own house. Oh, and the house I have now? Not so much. And it also involves me having a bikini perfect body, which we’ve already discussed and ruled out. So I wouldn’t be making claims like that.

 

Get the Body I’ve always wanted!”

 

J-Lo is not willing to depart with it. I already asked her.

 

 

Dress stylishly from size 0-24!”

 

I wouldn’t know style if it walked up and bit me on my considerable arse. I wear Crocs every single day of my freaking life. For God’s sake.

 

Also? That tag-line is just a big F you to the size 26 plus crowd. Please be more considerate of their feelings in the future.

 

 

Make him want me!”

 

Again, who is this guy?

 

Also? Why should I care if he wants me or not? What about what I want? I can tell you already, it’s not going to be “him”. He seems to get around.

 

 

 

So again. I ask you.

 

Really?

 

If you are going to be about empowering women, I’m all for that. But feeding them a bunch of garbage isn’t going to do it. If you really want to help me, please have taglines such as these:

 

“Finally! A pad that will stay stuck to your underwear for more than 30 seconds!”

“No one wants to see your ass in a bikini, but no one will vomit if you wear this!”

“How to get him to take the trash out every time!”

“Crocs! The new Manolo Blahnik’s!”

“Crazy boss? Me too! Let’s have a cookie and vent about it!”

 

 

 

Those? I would believe.

 

 

 

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My Friends Come to My Rescue

I emailed some of my favorite people and asked them if they would save my ass help me out.  As I’m sure you know by now, and if you don’t- you will, I feel like crap.  A couple blogs I read have been having guest posters for one reason or another.  I thought, “Here’s a solution!”

So for a few days there will be some guests hanging out at Mama’s Palace!

Tonight’s rescuer is Amy W.  from the fabulous Family Story.

Ice Cream Mama is feeling a little under the weather
and asked for some help. And I am all about helping
some people.

The only thing is she asked me to guest post, and
crap, I am just not funny or witty or anything like
she is.

But maybe my kids are funny, or at least my husband
might be.

Nope, nothing really funny there either, although
Ashley, my almost four year old, has been saying some
weird stuff lately.

Like telling me boys wear skirts called kilts because
they kill people.

She did, totally did say that. I asked her where in
the heck she heard that, and she said she didn’t know.
I am thinking (okay, hoping) she made the word
connection with “kilt” and “kill”. They are big into
rhyming words at her school. Who knows, but I think I
also may blame Disney.

Yes, my beloved Disney. Those damn Princess books
where someone is always trying to kill someone else.
Like in Snow White, where Malificent wants the
huntsman to hunt down Aurora and kill her.

Of course, when I read her the books, I skip over that
sentence. What I should have done was drawn a line
through it as my Mother has read her the book and has
not skipped over that line. And now if I try to skip
that line?  Ashley totally calls me out on it.

And this is the same kid who while at a free concert
in downtown Raleigh on Saturday afternoon asked me in
a really loud voice why that woman’s hair was so big
(while pointing to the lady with the afro). There’s no
stopping her.

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